Monocles

My brothers have finished and launched their first totally independent game from our game company, Butterscotch Shenanigans. It’s called Towelfight 2: Monocle of Destiny. It is exactly as insane as the title suggests.

I had a lot of fun testing and watching as the game progressed and, even if I didn’t have an automatic bias, I honesty have to say that the game came out amazing. It is getting rave reviews everywhere, with the only consistent complaint being about the controls. But it’s a dual-stick shooter on a touchscreen, so the controls are destined to be at least a little annoying. The bros did push out a final patch on Android (and that will eventually make its way through Apple’s iTunes guardians) that fixes the control issues as much as possible.

Go download it on Google Play, Amazon, or iTunes and start shooting animals out of your face! It does cost a little cash ($3) but is definitely worth skipping a latte for!

CPR

The weekend of my last post (over a month ago…) my brothers and I did indeed complete a Game Jam with a crazy game called “I know CPR!”. It was a little inspired by QWOP (though it is not even almost as difficult) and otherwise followed the theme for the weekend: the sound of a beating heart. The executables (PC/Mac) are free to download, so go try it out (and see the video below)!

Homeopathy: Belly Flop to a Cure!

Homeopathy says essentially this: Something that causes disease can be made to cure that same ailment if the something is diluted into water so much that it is no longer present. For example, if you were to take one molecule of cyanide and dilute it into a swimming pool, then drink some pool water, you would be cured of cyanide poisoning! Sound too simple to be true? Well, that’s because you must first release the Energy of the cyanide. Personally, I do this via belly-flopping into the swimming pool, though any kind of concussion of the water will do. Punching the water is also a pretty good way to do it.

Another example: it is clear that humans are basically a disease of the earth. We’re polluting the crap out of it, killing all the wildlife, etc. Now, this should be easy to fix with homeopathy. Since people are causing these bad things on Earth, all we need to do is have someone go swim in the ocean, concuss the ocean, and then distribute ocean water all over the world. In the same way that you can dilute a cyanide molecule into a pool, you can dilute one person into the ocean. You still need to release the Energy of that person, though. I would suggest the concussion be from underground faults leading to earthquakes and tsunamis, though enough belly flops would likely also do the trick. I feel quite certain that there have been a few people in the various oceans when these kinds of concussive events have occurred, therefore it is clear that Sea Water can already fix global warming!

And while we’re thinking about it, just imagine how many things have been diluted into the oceans: people, animals, plants, drugs, chemicals, pesticides, fish nets, volcanoes, tsunamis, airplanes, boats, etc, etc, ETC! This means that sea water can stop volcanoes from erupting, release fish from nets, repair damaged boats and aircraft, fix broken bones caused by tsunamis and downed aircraft, release the hallucinogenic hold of LSD, cure various cancers, and so on. In fact, if you have a disease, all you have to do is jump into the ocean, and then you will be diluted to homeopathic levels, meaning your disease will be diluted to homeopathic levels.

Belly flop into the ocean. Then drink up. Any disease you have will be cured!

Road thoughts

I drove to St. Louis yesterday to visit my Little Brother at WashU and to meet with a researcher tomorrow for a potential job. It’s a long drive, and my mind was whirring all the way, so I thought I’d throw out a few random things I was contemplating (my apologies for the unpolished, poorly-written quality):

I became (relatively) enraged when my new GPS lost signal near Iowa City. It uses satellites. In space. What could possibly cause the stupid thing to not have signal? Then I had no emotional response to getting pulled over for speeding. I wasn’t speeding that much, but it was in a construction zone. Turns out an investment in cruise control could have been worth it.

As I was watching the odometer, I realized that the tenths place is probably a floor function, meaning that it shows you the value .1 for .1 through .19, so that you would never know how many tenths of a mile you had actually traveled. Then I also thought that it could be a rounding function, so it would show .1 for .05 through 1.4, and I wondered which would be better. I think either could be better, depending on the situation, but no matter what you have a possible error of .09 miles. With the floor function, that error is all on one side of the measured distance. With rounding, you split it to both directions.

How would you find out which function was being used? The easiest way would be to get up to a constant speed (definitely should have gotten cruise control) and reset the odometer. Time how long it takes to get from .0-.1, and then from .1-.2. If these times are the same, it’s a floor function. If they are different, it’s a rounding function.

As I drove across some massive bridge in St. Louis, I marveled at human ingenuity. I was listening to Fox News Radio at the time, so I was simultaneously marveling at human stupidity.

I’m sure there were other disjointed thoughts, but it has now been a full day since then and I can’t recall anything else. My life is basically a dream, so if I don’t record anything it will all disappear forever. I find myself to not be terribly concerned about this.

eyeball appreciation day

I am sitting here writing this post with an eyepatch over my right eye. I had surgery 2 and a half years ago to make my eyes look straight (they were slightly crossed), and had wonderful single-vision afterward. Recently, however, my left eye has been getting weaker and has started to turn in again.

Now, this is causing me a lot of eye strain and general annoyance, especially with my upcoming departure to foreign lands. I visited my optometrist, who agreed that my left eye has gotten pretty crossed and is, in fact, awfully close to as crossed as it was before I had the surgery. This was disappointing, to say the least. So I made an appointment with my surgeon the next day to see what he thought I could do about it for the next two years, since there is certainly no way that I could have surgery before I leave.

The surgeon thinks that it is a muscle weakness problem, which is apparently not that rare of an occurrence a few years after surgery. We decided that my best bet would be to patch my right eye for a few hours every day to force my left eye to get stronger.

There are several interesting results of one-eyed vision that you lucky people with two, functional, straight-looking eyeballs would never even think of. The first is that, although my body is good at knowing where its parts are in space, it turns out that the brain relies quite heavily on being able to simultaneously see that body part. It can certainly get by without it, and it does this by automatically relying more on tough. Where previously I would reach for a coffee cup handle, even just using my peripheral vision to guide my hand to the right place, my body now guesses where it is, and then carefully bumps my hand into it and adjusts according to what was felt.

This is true even for things that are in the visual field of my left eye (the seeing one), because I am lacking depth perception. My hands are much less sure of where to go to hit light switches, pick things up, etc, but it ends up not being a problem because my brain shifts dominance from sight to touch. Automatically. Not at first though; it seemed to take about half an hour of being patched.

The wierdest thing is that, if I am not paying attention at all to the fact that my right eye is patches, I actually start to see things in my periphery that are not in my visual field. For example, there is a coffee cup to my right, and all I can see with my left eye is the very edge of it. However, while I look straight ahead and type, I can actually “see” most of the cup. It’s pretty fuzzy, but apparently my brain knows what it looks like and just fills it in as if my right eye was seeing to some degree.

Anyway, this is just a long, rambling way of saying that having two eyes is great, even if one of them doesn’t work properly. For anyone reading this with two eyeballs, GIVE YOUR EYES A HUG.

Dear Immune System,

Your time is up, and I am not pleased.

I first got this disease on Friday, five days ago today. It started with frequent trips to the bathroom and angry bowels. Then it got better the next morning of its own accord, and I thought that my brief excursion into sickness was done with.

So on Saturday I had a nice big meal. Too big, in fact, since I ended up with my belly so full that it hurt. But it still felt kinda good, after having been sick the day previously. But then the bathroom trips started again. And didn’t stop.

Sunday was spent entirely either in the bathroom or trying to sleep, in the vain hope that sleep would transport me into a disease-free future. I was rewarded in the evening with a fever.

Yes, body, I know that a fever is supposed to kill off whatever is attacking my insides (or whatever you have perceived to be attacking my insides), so why was it mild, and why was it gone the following morning, after accomplishing absolutely nothing? And it hasn’t come back, even last night when I was having even more frequent trips to el baño. What was the point?

And today I woke up and thought, “ah, it’s all over.” Since all I had was a slight belly ache. But as the morning went on it began to feel like someone had punched me oh-so-gently in the gut. Then I had a delicious meal and, before I could say “Not again!” it started again. The bathroom trips, I mean.

So to my innate immune system: I know you’re doing the best that you can with what you’ve got. You’re static, so really what more can I ask for?

But to my adaptive immune system: WTF? Now, I know you are one of the most amazing achievements of evolution, but seriously, can’t you just be a little more amazing? Perhaps you could work twice as fast, or fight twice as hard. I’d happily eat more to give you the spare parts and chemical energy. Or sacrifice some of my body fat for the task. Or muscle, even.

I know that’s too much to ask, since you’re fighting blind and quite randomly, which is why I have forsaken you and moved on to good old man-made drugs (all the cool kids are doing it). I’ve already lost a 6th of my trip to your taking of your sweet ass-time (yes, that is hyphenated correctly), and I am now cheating on you with generic, OTC, Mexican-made Cipro.

Now, adaptive immune system, this doesn’t mean I don’t love you and appreciate what you do, but when I’m on a deadline you just aren’t good enough. I’m sorry. I welcome you back as soon as the Cipro is done working (especially since I won’t have any gut flora left for defense).

Your Frustrated but Loving Counterparts,

The Higher Lobes

Or, the Ones That have to Perceive the suffering you’re supposed to be alleviating.